I still love New Year Resolutions. I love that there is a time of year that people feel some sense of inspiration about their future. There is a magic in the air as one year closes out and a new one begins. A magic that seems to help some people give themselves a chance to dream or reimagine themselves.
The problem comes when they wake up two weeks later in a culture that doesn’t support change and growth. We live in a time when it is easier than ever to keep the status quo, avoid personal responsibility, and busy ourselves into oblivion.
Still, I believe in people. I have the honor of seeing people change their lives all the time… not just in January. I also know that sometimes people need a few false starts. Sometimes the journey is trying out new ways of being and discarding what doesn’t work. I don’t blame people for quitting gyms after two weeks. Have you been to most gyms during January? The place is packed and its cold and flu season… gross. Maybe it will lead you to finding the right gym, the right workout community, or the right sport that keeps you fit. Sometimes we make progress in quitting.
But I digress.
I promised myself this wouldn’t be a blog of “Joella’s new year opinions.” Rather, I wanted to talk about Cascadia Family Therapy’s resolve to provide the highest quality couple and family therapy we possibly can. We are more committed than ever in 2018 to creating massive change in the lives of our clients and in our industry.
It is time for the old way of therapy (you know the once a week, bill your insurance, only to get a bill months later, all the while wondering what your therapist is trying to accomplish with you kind) to get out of your way. It is time for a new way of therapy. Therapy that is transparent, empowering, and collaborative. Therapy that trusts the clients to do the work and believes in people’s resilience and possibility.
We are here to do that work. When a couple or family is ready for change, we are here to work, support, encourage, provide skills, whatever it takes.
We believe in YOU to build the life you want. Make your resolution stick!
Sitting down and writing about therapy is one of my favorite things to do. Being a marriage and family therapist requires a lot of reflection not just on what clients bring in but on what I am saying, doing, suggesting, inferring, the list goes on!
For me therapy is equal parts where have you been and where you are going. In fact, the best part of my craft is that I have the honor of dreaming for my clients. When hope is low and obstacles seem insurmountable, I have the freedom as an outsider and a trained professional to dream of different approaches, perspectives, or narratives. This is also part of the pleasure of running a fee for service business, clients get a therapist who makes time to reflect. But I digress….
I have felt myself having to just crank along this past week. Michael and I moved a couple miles up the road and it has felt like a sh*t storm (yes, that is the clinical term). Boxes, chapped hands, microwave meals, and lack of sleep have all driven us into the ground. I try my best to shield my clients from these stressors and keep my office a sacred space but I know I am not perfect. I was reminded of this when I saw my last blog was so long ago. It seems the website and blogging are always the first off of my list.
All that being said, this season to me is all about reflection. With the new year approaching, the short days, and long nights, it feels like mother nature forces us all to slow down. I look forward to having some extra time off to catch up and get back to the creative part of being a private practice. Michael and I have some massive goals for 2018 and hope to reconnect many more couples!
Things to ponder…..
How do you make time to reflect?
How do you reflect? Writing? Talking?
What are your intentions for 2018?
There is a tendency in our culture to think that change, like love, is just something that happens. However, there are steps or access points to engage in change. Use a combination of these access points and watch the results pile up. I will list these from easiest to more difficult.
- Physical State: One way to encourage yourself to think differently or make different decisions is to get in a good work out. If you are using a workout for this specific purpose, schedule it as early in the day as possible. Think about how you feel post workout: strong, empowered, ready to take on anything, and a bit proud of yourself. These feelings are great places to start making new decisions or renewed commitment to the decisions you are trying to make. If this is hard for you to imagine, think about the decisions you tend to make when you are feeling sad or stressed out or after binge watching Grey’s Anatomy all afternoon. Try tracking this for a week…. I am not supposed to guarantee anything as a therapist… but I can guarantee this strategy! You don’t need me to make this change!
- Behavior: Make a commitment to changing a behavior like drinking more water, writing more, picking up a new hobby, or joining a club/community. I find it is easier for most people to add a new behavior or learn something new rather than making the focus quitting something. For instance it is hard to keep repeating to yourself “watch less tv” because you are reminding yourself of TV every time. Try repeating “write more” it will guide your thoughts in a new direction.
- Food: Let’s face it, nutrition is not a rocket science these days. It is common knowledge that less food from a package and more fresh fruits and vegetables is a healthy way to go. Don’t discount the power of food on your mood and perception of your context. Eating fresh foods that you know are good for you can dramatically change the way you think and interact. Try drinking less caffeine … I know, that one is hard for a lot of people but caffeine is a stimulant and all stimulants no matter their legal status increase anxiety, jitteriness, irritability, and can prevent you from getting a good nights sleep.
- Insight: We all have those moments when we “know” something but still choose to act the same way. It is hard to generate new insight inside the mind that got you to where you are now. New insight can be generated however through a coach, a class, or a therapist. These are contexts in which you can share where you get stuck and a new person with a different experience of you and your context can generate new ways of thinking about it.
I encourage my clients to make an attempt at all four. If a client is making change in a couple of these areas, therapy becomes exponential accelerating change and helping it stick. Michael Long, the other therapist here at Cascadia Family Therapy, calls therapy “New Year Resolution super glue.” Adding that fourth component to your commitment to work out more or eat healthier adds momentum.
Give it a try and let me know what you find in the comments below!