The theme of my week has been the importance of showing up. In a world where with the click of a mouse and/or the swipe of a debit card we can send condolences, comfort, and pseudo connection I’ve been struck by the power of showing up. No one can read your mind and often our intentions are assumed by others. By showing up we communicate our thoughts and intent clearly.
Here are some ideas of how to show up in your life for those most important to you:
Take flowers to someone
Say thank you in person
Look people in the eye
Compliment what you admire
Shake someone’s hand
If you love them, say it! Again and again.
When you feel the urge to say just about anything to make someone feel better; hug them instead.
Hold your loved ones hand
Be patient with emotion. Feelings come and go but some linger… that’s ok.
Human interaction truly matters. Don’t let the digital world fool you into thinking otherwise.
While this may not be an exhaustive list, here are a few reasons to explore and get you started:
- Something NEEDS to change or be addressed: If there is one thing I have learned from years of working with people it is that human beings are extremely resilient. The body, mind, and spirit can endure and cope with large amounts of stress. Whether it is the physical stress of not addressing a medical need or the emotional stress of staying with a harmful relationship. People are able to cope themselves into corners and dark places. Taking time to reflect on life and truly look at how long a relationship, job, or physical condition has been going on can provide clarity into what truly needs to change. It never ceases to surprise me how many years people will endure things (especially jobs and relationships) that are literally destroying other areas of their life.
- Change Requires New Narratives: It doesn’t matter how far someone moves or how great the new job or relationship is, the old story will still replay from time to time. Be prepared to remind your wandering thoughts that life is changing and to give it time before feelings of satisfaction or peace come with that change. Keep track of successes and milestones that mark your way to the life you do want. Proactively choose the narrative or story that you replay in your mind. I ran into this problem when I went from a grueling internship to private practice. I had days I would catch myself dreading going to work or feeling anxious about my practice. I finally realized, I was addicted to that way of thinking because I had endured and coped with a harsh environment for so long. It may sound silly but I had to literally remind myself that I was not doing that kind of work any more. I had to create a new story to tell myself about my career. I would reflect on how lucky I am to spend my time helping people and if there is something I can change it.
- Gratitude is a practice first and a feeling second: A practice of gratitude is truly life changing. When clients discover the ability to be grateful for the change that is occurring in their lives or focus on the parts of life that are going well feelings of happiness and satisfaction abound. The ability to not let work stress or one relationship bleed into other areas of life is important. Just because there is a couple difficult people at work doesn’t mean a person has to hate the whole job. Practicing gratitude helps keep life in focus and can offer clarity about what needs to change. I see this commonly with the most intimate and important relationships in client’s lives. When there is marriage or family stress, it appears to affect all areas of life. Staying grateful for what is going well in life keeps people focused and offers an honest reflection of your present context or environment.