The Question for Your Partner

Couples therapy can look different from couple to couple and I have been working on finding the key ingredients. Those components that seem to help every couple at every stage of their relationship.

Meaning making appears to be one of those key ingredients. We all do it from the time we wake up until we go to sleep. As human beings we don’t just take in facts and observations we make meaning from that information. Sometimes this is totally unconscious. For example, this was the first frosty morning here in Bend Oregon. For some people the first frost is a sign that summer is gone. For me it means ski season is closer!

Perhaps the best question to ask your partner when you don’t feel you are seeing eye to eye is, “What does that mean to you?”

Examples:

“I hear there is a lot of change for you at work lately, what does that mean to you?”

“When I got upset yesterday, what did that mean to you?”

“When we couldn’t agree last night and went to bed upset, what did that mean to you?”

Look for ways to understand your partners experience and you will discover no matter how long you have been together there is so much you don’t know.