3 Reasons Couples Therapy is so Important

  1. Attachment turns us all into toddlers: The great John Bowlby pioneered research on attachment. He found that when people or animals are denied their primal need to be attached to their mother or father, they self destruct and go into a full on fit in protest. Sue Johnson later found in her research that humans are the same way with their husband/wife/partners. These relationships become just as imperative of a bond. People will self destruct and throw a full on tantrum to get their partners love. I see it all the time, the creative often ingenious scheming that individuals come up with to get their partners attention or love. People will cry, yell, give the silent treatment, or whatever it takes to try and reach their partner. To the other partner it may feel like an attack but it’s really a cry for help. Therapy can break this cycle and give couples the skills they need to talk about their needs and feelings in a new more productive way.
  2. Others are invested: I hear it often from clients, a friend or family member they want to talk to about their marriage wants them to stay together or get divorced. It happens. Close friends and family members can take sides or form their own option, leaving the person with the marriage problem feeling worse than before. Couples therapy is a neutral environment where both partners can speak freely about their relationship. In that environment couples can quickly start making necessary changes that produce results.
  3. Marriage struggles feel so isolating: Because of reason above, it can feel there is no one to talk to about your feelings or concerns. Your most valuable and intimate relationship is not something you want to just get opinions about, it is too important for that. It can feel so isolating when the person who knows you the best is the one person you feel you can’t talk to. Therapy creates a great space for feelings to be acknowledge without feeling threatened.

2 comments

  1. Pingback: Unified Couples
  2. I just wanted to thank you for explaining some benefits of getting couples therapy. It’s good to know that this is a good, neutral environment where people can speak freely. It sounds like it could be beneficial to still be able to discuss these issues in a professional way, especially if it can really affect how well the session goes.

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